Lots of couples tell me that when they met they felt like ‘Soulmates’ but after being challenged by the roller coaster of life together, it feels like they’ve lost that spark.
I often get asked how to bring that feeling back.
It would be incredibly dreamy and romantic for me to tell you that this is just magic; you can expect a sudden flash in your eyes, a rainbow above your heads and your hearts will skip a beat to the sound of trumpets, but in truth waiting for miracles to happen just isn’t realistic.
If you want to consciously rebuild a lasting, meaningful and fulfilling relationship you’ve got to be a little bit more down to earth than that.
Is it possible to rekindle the magic? Yes! Here’s 5 ways to get you started.
Remember what it’s like to feel at ease together
Whether you believe a Soulmate is someone with whom you’ve got a pre-destined connection or whether you think you’re a great match by coincidence, one beautiful thing Soulmate couples tend to feel is a sense of ease together.
If you’re working on your relationship it’s important to consider how you can re-create that sense of ease again. What was it like to feel that relaxed and at home together? What would help you restore the conditions that allow it to happen? Talk about it and take action.
I know it can feel challenging when trust has been broken, you’ve hurt each other or you’ve grown apart. Talking more about the good times can help to reset your focus on the positive and restore optimism. You may also start to see aspects of your more relaxed, less stressed selves come to the surface – celebrate how great this is and acknowledge the sense of relief you feel.
Remind yourselves that attraction is more than just physical
When you want to ‘fall back in love’ with each other, it’s vital you’re not frustrating yourselves by focusing on physical attributes that have become too familiar to be exciting.
It’s time to start seeing the beauty inside each other once again. Close your eyes, tune into the sound of your voices and remember what it was like when this was music to your ears. Return to thoughts about all the great attributes you each have – it’s time to appreciate yourselves and to get to know each other as ‘whole people’ once again.
This more subtle appreciation of one another can reignite that powerful sexual chemistry you’ve been missing for so long.
Focus on the things you have in common
You’ve been through a lot together. You’ve shared a lot of experiences. When was the last time you focused on what you both love doing, what you both find pleasurable or what you agree is best for you.
I’m not saying couples have to be carbon copies of one another or that having differences can’t be valuable. But it can be a really positive experience to remember just what it that unites you and brings you together.
Recall the core values you share
It’s impossible and unrealistic to expect that you and your Soulmate will agree 100% on everything you believe. But when you feel like you share the set of beliefs you hold dear to your hearts; the authentic truths that you’re unlikely to change, it’s easier to feel like you’re two pieces of the same puzzle.
For me and my partner our love of animals, our conviction that it’s healthiest to live near the ocean and how we feel about the purpose of our relationship just seems to fit – it’s easy for us to develop a shared vision of the future based on what we both believe.
Tell each other this is just the beginning
Despite the fact you’ve hit a rocky patch in your relationship it’s important to openly acknowledge that you’re not giving up and that you’d like to be in each other’s lives to stay.
It’s not unusual for each half of a struggling couple to assume that their partner doesn’t want to be with them, when actually they couldn’t be more wrong. You’re both fearing loss and projecting that fear onto one another.
Try to reassure one another and see this bump in the road as an opportunity to create a new beginning.
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