As a mother of two girls I often think back on my own sexual start in life and remember just how much I didn’t know. The product of a prudish and shame-filled mother, menstruation was barely discussed beyond the physicality of the process and talk about sex was strictly off the agenda. Any sexual learning was the result of my own girlish curiosity, based on the misogynistic content of late 80s and early 90s TV and movies or the playground gossip in a sheltered all-girl private school.

Needless to say, this ridiculous combination of misinformation, secrecy and shame wasn’t a great mix for one feisty, hormone-fuelled teenage girl and a rebellious young woman emerged.

She was determined to uncover all the answers for herself in the most daring and forbidden of ways. And when she was met with the anger and disapproval of her mother, it spurred her on all the more.

It took years of learning, re-learning, a pile of confusing life experience and a heck of a lot of personal reflection before I was able to sexually ‘re-mother’ myself – examining the messages I absorbed during childhood and adolescence about sex and sexuality, noticing the meaning of my responses and redefining my thoughts in order to form the kind of positive, healthy value system I’m happy to pass on to my daughters today.

In my work helping women become sexually prosperous, the concept of ‘re-mothering’ is something I often visit.

This isn’t just about what our mothers have told us, it’s about how we watched them behave, how we saw them conduct their relationships and what we learned about ourselves as women, sexual women, as a result. And of course, it’s also about what we didn’t experience. Some women have been shaped by the absence or loss of a mother, or by the experience of mother-figures in their lives who couldn’t or wouldn’t be available or present.

This is deep, ancestral, feminine flame work that reaches beyond our mothers to our grandmothers and great grandmothers, resulting in changes of sexual paradigm that could make all the difference to the feminine legacy we offer generations of the future. Even if you don’t have daughters, you touch other women’s lives in all kinds of ways. Every woman makes a difference, and that really matters.

But the real power is in the here and now. For many women, aspects of our mother reside tucked away within our shadow, and when they stir they unsettle us to our very core. We need to feel safe and held to explore and understand these parts of ourselves, especially when we join up the dots and recognize what’s manifested in our sexual selves and feminine expression.

Often we need to hold the supportive hand of another woman to find a space of forgiveness and the strength to walk a freer sexual path.

When guiding women exactly how to do this work for themselves, I’m always in awe at the deep transformation we can create and the fresh, healthy sexual sense of self that women can ‘birth’.

You don’t have to remain held back by the shackles of the past when you find the truth, approval, acceptance and nurturing you need through your feminine recovery process. No matter how difficult your sexual start has been, the kind of deep, feminine healing you achieve through ‘re-mothering’ means you can move on to a sexually prosperous future.