So many couples I work with start their journey feeling unfulfilled in the bedroom. They feel unacknowledged by one another and they’ve no idea how to express what they really want. When it comes to sex, they each tell themselves they don’t really count and neither of them has any idea what the other one really likes.
This is what happens when you’ve got no real sexual voice.
Sexually fulfilled couples share a powerful sexual dialogue. They’re totally in tune with themselves and they’re determined to be authentic together. Their hearts sing when they express themselves, making them magnetic to each other, more open and totally sexually present.
When you’ve got no sexual voice you’ve stopped listening to the parts of yourself that matter the most. Did you even know that your sexuality has a beautiful voice and it speaks through your body? Have you ever heard it? Yes, that’s right – every part of you is constantly talking loud and clear. And when you start to listen, your body is yelling at you to wake up and embody the fabulous person who’s so ready to shine in your sexuality and your relationship.
There are so many reasons why you’re not listening to your sexual voice.
We humans are sensitive souls. We easily absorb shaming messages from culture, the media and our upbringing that dictate what we should think or feel. When we haven’t enjoyed sex we’re scared that we’re inadequate and our confidence takes a big knock. Women become far too used to putting partners first, believing it’s what we must do to make them happy. Men become far too used to making love by rote, dictating how things should go and thinking that the sex they’ve been shown on screen is the kind of sex women want and enjoy.
And when what we hear, what we experience and what we tell ourselves feels so negative, it’s easier to stay under the radar than stand tall and be counted for who we truly are. That would require stepping out, risking being seen.
In the context of sex and sexuality, this is one of the hardest challenges we face. When we allow crappy external voices and experiences to numb our sexual voice, it becomes habitual to ignore our sexual power and worth, even when we know it means we’re living half a life. When we resonate with small and unimportant, we have sexual experiences that reinforce how insignificant we’re used to feeling.
What amazes me is that despite how broken or tired we feel, our bodies will keep nagging away at us until we listen.
Our bodies know exactly what makes us feel whole and they’re not going to stop protesting until we take action. They’re asking us to take responsibility, own our sexuality and begin to explore what really makes us tick. When we do this, we’re finally able to make magic together.
As a Therapist and Couple Expert, I love hearing about the results when couples start to listen to the messages their bodies are giving them.
Although it’s more involved than just choosing a different way, changing the way you think about sex and the body is the first step in the courageous process of listening to your truth and working out what that means for your sexual expression and your life, individually and together.
I love making this happen for the couples I work with and taking it deeper to catalyze real changes in thinking, feeling and physical experience.
I love the sound of a self-assured couple talking proudly about how their positive personal changes have boosted not only their sexual expression, pleasure and fulfilment but how other areas of their relationship have skyrocketed now they’re no longer afraid to show up loud and clear as who they are. It’s like they’re channeling the power they’ve discovered in their sexual voice into their success, their social scene, their professional lives. The happiness is holistic.
The moment I hear the ownership and authenticity in my clients’ voices when we’re talking about sex I know something’s shifted. They’re never going to feel small or unimportant again. Teaching couples the skill of listening to their bodies and showing them how to integrate the powerful sexual messages they hear into their relationships feels like a gift every time.
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