It’s really surprising how many intelligent, successful women I’ve met who seem confident and in control of their lives but contact me feeling broken or hopeless about love with no idea how to create a better outcome.
If this sounds like you it’s time to take a breath and see that you’ve been approaching love on the back foot.
You’ll see that you haven’t been intentional and you’ll see that the main issue is that you didn’t choose an awakened man.
This is where the idea of conscious relating is such a game changer, especially when BOTH partners are on the same page. Chances are that if your past relationships ticked the wrong boxes then they’ve been quite the opposite.
There are three things that cause problems for women when love isn’t consciously co-created. Look back at your past relationship nightmares and see if any of this rings true:
You didn’t feel equal
- Commitment levels were miles apart.
- It seemed like you had to make all the effort.
- Your relationship never seemed like a priority to him.
There was no awareness of what was needed
- Your interactions together were filled with reaction instead of response.
- Negative patterns and dysfunctional behaviours were barely recognised and ended up being repeated.
- Nothing changed and there didn’t seem to be any glimmer of personal growth.
The relationship had little or no value
- Physical intimacy was taken for granted and became disconnected and unfulfilling.
- You only stayed together because you couldn’t imagine anything better or you felt obliged.
- There was no interest in or support for your future and aspirations and you never felt important to him.
Having been stuck in this kind of relationship rut in the past my only choice was to jump on the train of awakening. This meant opening to the idea that healthy love is enjoyed by intentional partners who are wide awake and pulling together in the same direction – consciously co-creating.
It resulted in my finding an awakened partner whose eyes were as wide open as my own. I encourage women on the lookout for love to be very clear about not settling for anything less than these three key characteristics in a man:
A partner who champions equality
- This man is prepared to develop a shared vision for your life together.
- He’s keen to contribute his share of energy towards the goals you prioritise.
- He’s going to take shared responsibility for the results your relationship creates.
A partner who’s committed to constructive awareness
- This partner owns their ‘stuff’ and is committed to self improvement.
- He believes the purpose of your relationship is to support you to each fulfil your human potential – to learn and grow in a safe container together.
- He understands that communication is gold and works hard to establish shared meaning and create solutions that feel great.
A partner who prioritises your relationship
- A conscious man knows that intimacy is sacred and treats your physical love like a blessing.
- He has a drive to love and be loved – he intentionally makes himself loveable.
- There is complete support for your vision, goals and mission – he values your needs as highly as his own.
So here’s the burning question – can you wake a man up and make him conscious so that he’ll become a partner who adds value to your life?
Unfortunately I think the simplest answer here is NO. It’s true that we’re all capable of change and that we can learn and grow when the container of relationship provides the right environment.
But it’s not your job to transform a man – he has to have a burning desire and strong intention to do his inner work himself.
The partner you choose will be human – he does not have to be perfect. We are all work in progress. But it is important that he’s enough of a match for you so that you can intentionally create leverage in your relationship together.